I've been arguing with myself for quite a long while over what I should post next and if I should post about this particular subject.
I guess now I have the guts to post about it.
It's been something that has been bothering me for a while, but I've always tried to ignore it.
It only recently started to upset me when my boyfriend posted his latest blog post.
But first I guess I better explain what I am trying to say.
My boyfriend is into Occult Magic, and by "into" I mean he is a practicing Occult Magician, and to be quite honest it freaks the hell out of me.
At first I didn't even know about it. It was hinted to me by his closest friends, but I always seemed to ignore it, thinking it was just him and his friends showing off.
Then he confirmed that he was into it even before he ever met me.
I didn't know what to think, and I still don't. For a while I've tried to ignore it in the hope that it won't be a problem in my life. But lately it's been confusing me.
It's like a whole other part of him that I don't know and will never understand.
His recent blog post about Magic and his room really freaked me out. It made me see what else goes on in that room, (the room I practically live in half the time). The magic practices he does that are so far away from what I understand and far away from the guy I fell in love with.
Not to mention the fact that I don't know if it's hurting him emotionally or making him better.
I love him with everything I have. But I don't know how to react to this. I don't even know If I believe in half of what he believes in so strongly. I don't know if I should completely hate it, or keep on ignoring it, and I know I won't ever understand it.
I'm just really confused about what to do.
Not only because of the way I feel, but because of the way Nat and I impact each others lives.
I don't want to be a burden.